music: nothing mood: i'm not sure that 'excited' is the word...
well, i don't have any serious set plans for tonight. though it looks like i'm going to be heading over to a bar that my friend works at. if all goes well, the owner should be showering me with some free booze and i will get to kiss my friend at midnight =P
other than that, i would just like to wish everyone a happy new year! a year in which your dreams and goals are met to the fullest possible extent!
as for me, although i did manage to do two rather important things in 2006 (finish school and move back to israel), i would like 2007 to be more peaceful and with a lot of traveling. yes, i guess we can call those my 'new years resolutions' for 2007.
i really do miss all of my nyc friends, but last night's events made me miss one person in particular. i miss adam so much it almost hurts. where is my drinking partner-in-crime when i'm having fun? it's just not the same!!
well i found some local magic medication. i'm not sure if it worked cuz i was already so sick that anything would have been an improvement or if it really actually works. either way, it dried me up and i haven't had to use a tissue constantly (just occasionally) for nealy 24 hours now. i still really need my beloved contac, though.
on a related note, i figured that since i've been sick and the weather here has gotten rather rainy (although it's really not as cold as the locals make it out to be) - it would be a decent idea to pull out one of my winter coats. this morning i went into the box (yes, a box) where i have all of my coats neatly folded - and pulled out my most recent purchase. it's a knee length military styled (well, only sorta) black coat from H&M. as i put it on, i noticed that if felt weird. i immediately knew why... the reason is because i was so used to wearing it with another jacket or two underneath and now it felt loose.
ugh. can we say poo? yes, that's how i feel right now. this is the second cold that i've had in as many months. i think it is absolutely ridiculous that there are no symptom-killing (as in dead, not symptom-dimming) OTC cold meds in this country. the only thing that everyone seems to offer is stuff from the dexamol family, which does absolutely nothing for me. i'm not sure how an entire nation can be fooled into thinking that it's natural for it to take 3-4 days to kill a common head-cold. yes, we've found something i miss about the u.s. cold meds. the kind that work within 30 minutes. i believe that back in nyc i managed to go for over two entire years (if not more than that) without getting a full-blown cold. but now i seem to be plagued with them. fun.
i've already asked a couple of people to send me my drug of choice, but they were unsuccessful (not sure why). i have now asked two more people to do the same. we shall see if their luck is any better.
serioualy, how stupid am i for only bringing one box with me when i moved back?
friday afternoon from about 2pm until this morning when i had to leave for work - was spent indoors. that's right, i didn't leave the house for a single minute. there was a moment on friday night when i considered calling some people to see what they were up to. but then i thought better of it and figured that if i did that, i'd just end up cancelling on them anyway. so i didn't. and even though there was a rather amusing offer from one friend, i ended up doing what i do best - staying home and spacing out in front of the tv =D
other than that, i actually managed to meet a cutie =P
so on friday i went to get my eyes examined and my lenses fixed. the guy who was examining me had come to the conclusion that my left eye had somehow gotten better. so instead of wearing a -.75, i should now supposedly be wearing a -.50. nice right? one would think. except for the fact that since friday i have not been able to decide if the -.50 is really the number i need. i mean my glasses are perfect (which leads me to think that they might have accidentally not even changed the number?) but the contact lense i've been wearing in my left eye has not been cooperating 100%. today is a perfect example: since i got to work i have not been able to see clearly through my left eye. so much so that i actually went and took it out to make sure i didn't put it on backwards. i didn't. when i put it back in (after i cleaned it a couple of times), it still wasn't assisting me with my vision. so i went and changed it for one of the -.75 ones that i had in my bag. i'm sorta waiting for this one to give me a headache, but so far it's a lot better than the one i had in before. sheesh.
on a different note, i've been working on a sketch for my new tattoo at vision tattoos (who have a sweet new website =). although we're taking our time figuring out exactly how it's going to look, i cannot say i have any complaints. on one hand, i'm a fucking chicken when it comes to tattooing my ribs. not that i don't already have a little bit of ink on them, but the idea of doing a whole piece on them gives me the shivers. on the other hand no, that's not going to stop me. not to mention that hanging out there allowed me to get to know a few really cool people =D
so the limelight is officially no more. not that i had really been there in its avalon days, but i did spent many evenings there and i am feeling somewhat nostalgic and sad. i suppose it doesn't help that the radio station i have chosen to listen to is playing all the stuff i haven't bothered listening to in forever, which brings up memories long-gone from said era.
*sigh*
i guess it really doesn't matter to me anymore, though... even if i did ever want to go back there - none of what i used to love has been there in well over a year or two (probably more).
___
yes. new york definitely needs more malls! < / sarcasm >
music: (in my head) :wumpscut: - thorns mood: content
yesterday and today (while at work) i was overcome by a desire to listen to :wumpscut:. [it reminds me of the first couple of years i was in the states, when i still loved it. ahh... the nostalgia.] of course, by the time i was at home and able to pull it up, i wasn't even thinking of it. figures.
other than that, i met up with the 'rents yesterday for food and shopping. it's not like they buy me anything - but it's rather cute to have them follow me into shops and give me opinions on stuff i'm trying on. heh. so my focus was/is on buying things that are not black. i ended up with two long sweaters (one brown and one red) and three tank tops (red, white and brown). i did look for a normal pair of shoes that i can wear on a daily basis. at the moment all i have are either boots or converse. both of which are nice - but i need something in the middle. something comfortable. unfortunately, i have yet to be successful in the shoe department.
on my way home, i got a call from a friend who informed me that we were going out. and since i hadn't seen this person in a while - there was no way i was going to refuse. it was good times. i was picked up for an evening of bar-hopping. and once again, i found myself drinking too much on a week night.
on another note, i finally found a friend who has the same 'travel bug' as i do. we both seem to have the urge to just go for short trips over weekends etc to places that are in surrounding area (greece, cyprus, europe, etc). so hopefully after my next paycheck we'll be able to take a three day trip somewhere. at the moment we're thinking greece. we shall see.
bareket - if you're reading this, please give me a call... it's been so long, for some reason i don't have your current cell phone number (i'm a dubmass and should have taken the number last night).
thanks! =)
Posted by
Dina on 12.18.06 @ 10:35 AM EEST :: [link]
up early. glasses fixed. new contacts. clothing sale. sushi. good company. sleep. laziness. more good company. peace at home. out for drinks. sleep early.
after i spent the entired day yesterday not being able to eat a thing and just feeling crappy in general, i headed over to the cocktail room for our company hannuka party. the event was a lot smaller than what we had originally planned, but i think it turned out rather well regardless. the cocktail room is a small bar that's rather close to the office, so it was easy to walk to. we spent a couple of hours there - had drinks and munchies. after i took care of the check, i walked home. lior had insisted on taking a cab, but it was too nice out for that and i think i needed the fresh (?) air. besides, the entire walking thing was made even more worth it by the fact that i ran into roni and dana (twins) whom i used to work with at super zeus about ten years ago. once i was home, i did what i usually do: get into bed for some tv and crash eaerly.
so today i'm feeling a little better. still in shock, but i'll get over it. seriously, fuck it. the plans are to go get my eyes checked out and get my glasses fixed (the lense is cracking). after that, there's more wandering around planned, including visiting dikla at her sale and sushi after that.
we'll see how things turn out.
at least i don't know anyone else who can shock me the way i was the other day, so i'm safe from that for now. i guess this should be a comfort.
i have never been so insulted in my whole life, and i've been called and told a lot of things...
i thought i knew you. i knew you had issues. but who doesn't? i sure do.
we've had our ups and downs. but ultimately we came to an understanding. and then i found out that there was something that you neglected to tell me for as long as we've known each other. something i would have expected any friend to tell me, but especially you. you didn't. i only found out because i forced it out of you.
i feel used and violated. cheap and filthy.
i want to cry, i want to scream and i can't stop shaking.
first of all, i suppose that admitting that there is a problem is the first step to solving it. so here it is - i am undeniably and unfortunately what one would call a drama queen.
*shudders*
detachment has done some good. for me, at least. it's given me time to take a good look at the way i tend to act, the things i say when i'm not thinking, etc. it's also made it possible to have other non-related experiences so that my head is not constantly filled with the same thoughts. i cannot at all say that these few short days have made a huge difference, if any. but they have allowed me to take a different look and to catch myself immediately after (if not before) i say something unnecessary. previously, i had gone on raging for hours or days. now i find that i lack the energy for said rage. however, such unnecessary words have been said quite recently - and to more than one person. i believe that the fact that i see this happening to me in more than just one instance made me take a step back.
it's rather easy to just blame it on a personality flaw and take no action. and it is a flaw. a serious one at that. but i find that i cannot continue to harbor anger or resentment towards anyone. it creates a mess in my head. one i no longer wish to have. besides, what happened to the me that didn't feel those emotions? anger, hate and any other useless, negative emotion... where did she go?
i have set out to find her.
the silence must continue in order for me to stop slipping every so often. it will also assist in gaining more strength in what i must do. but for the few of you to whom this may apply, and although you will likely never read this - i just wanted to say that i truly am sorry.
yes, i love my job and yes, i love being in this country. but those two things alone are really not the make up an exciting or even a remotely interesting life. it's not like i don't have multiple places to go to every single night of the week, either. but this is not what i'm looking for.
first of all, things would look a lot different if there was a partner in the picture. but since i've pretty much given up on that, i figure i have to do something for myself.
i've been wanting, for months now, to make short trips during weekends to all sorts of locations that are not far from me (cyprus, greece, europe etc). however, i think i'm a little chicken to go on my own. i think i'm going to have to get over it since none of my friends have the time or the money (and probably the desire?) to come along.
i used to be calmed down by getting inked, a new piercing or dying my hair. but i think that since at this point in my life - i've done all of that so many times - the 'thrill' of these changes just doesn't last more than about two or three days. i mean, i usually start thinking of my next tattoo before the one i just got even started peeling.
i'm bored. i'm frustrated. and i'm very anxious to get out and move around.
days have been an odd sort of ok. i am actually a lot calmer than i've been in months. it feels strangely easy. i really just don't want anything to rock the boat. unless prince charming comes along and sweeps me off my feet, of course.
no idea how today is going to end, but thats how my last two days have looked.
in other news, i have decided that it's time for some new ink. spoke to one of the guys at the shop i want to get it done at. he seemed nice. i will have to make my way over there to take a closer look at the style i'm going for. this one is going to be more traditional than anything else i have (i don't really think i have much of that at all) and it's going to be in an area of my body i've never really touched before. when i get a second to breathe, i'll hop on over there to get a better idea of what i'm doing and how it's going to fit in the area that i want it to be on. finally. new ink =D
all i want to do is detach myself from this crap. i can't stand to be soaked in it all day. i want to forget. i don't want to deal with it. yet i keep getting reminders of it.
someone give me a cigarette.
i feel so saturated in filth. i can't believe i spent so many years connected to a certain someone. i'm fucking sick of taking the blame for everything. if it makes other people happy to blame me for their inconveniences or stupidity, then they can do what they like. i, for one, am fucking done taking shit from everyone. and no, i don't care how selfish i'm being. i'm fucking sick and tired of making excuses for my behavior just to satisfy you.
i am who i am. and since it doesn't seem to fit your ideal of what people should be like, i suggest you go somewhere else. cuz i'm not changing for someone who clearly is just as confused as i am (even though she claims to know what's what). if not more. i'm just not as convincing as others are with their charade, that's all.
seriously. get a life. one that doesn't include me. i don't care what you think or who you think i'm inconveniencing. as far as you're concerned, i no longer exist. now get on with it and take your stench with you.
you know who you are.
oh yea... it's my blog and i'll write what i want in it. i'm not making any apologies for that anymore, either. i don't care what you do with that.