ok so i hate this faded black left-over color i have in my hair. it's really annoying. yesterday i almost chopped a lot of it off cuz i can't stand how it looks. however, my hair is not quite where i can really just cut the undesired color out. actually, it's far from it. either way, i have to do something! i'm not sure if i should bleach my hair myself (which is what i've always done in the past), let a professional do it or still let it grow out anyway.
yes. it's time to be blond again. the only question is when and how...
music: in my head: bike thief - freezepop mood: ok
on the emotional front, i think everything will be just fine in a matter of a relatively short time-span. considering i am an emotional person, it's usually hard for me to control my emotions (but rather they control me) even though i like to pretend i can. what i need is to be practical and consistant. today might be an opening for that to happen. we shall see... only time will tell.
in completely unrelated news, i think that my left eye (the only one i have to wear a contact in) has gotten a little worse. it's not really bothering me much, but i noticed a little blurriness. i think. when i decide to get unlazy, i'll check it out.
other than that i'm still my usual lazy self. the only things that motivate me to get out of the house are those that require physical effort. i find that i rarely want to go from one form of sitting on my ass to another - which is usually crowded, smokey and expensive (as apposed to quiet, comfortable and free).
speaking of which, can someone give me a couple million dollars (give or take) so i can travel without having to work for a while? =D
after i came home from seeing tali (after years of absence - long-lost friend) on friday, i proceeded to sleep for what seemed like forever. i basically slept from 15:00 on friday till 11:00 on saturday morning. granted, i did get up a couple of times for the span of about an hour or so - but mostly, i slept. and although i cannot recall what my dreams were, i know they were nightmarish... poeple were getting chopped up and everything. it's odd cuz i usually don't remember my dearms and odder cuz they're usually pretty friendly. i guess my subconscious is trying to tell me something. and i think i know what...
anyway, my plan for the weekend was to just stay at home and do nothing, but then tali called me again. she said she wanted to come over for a while. needless to say that i was more than happy with that idea. we hung out a while and shared experiences, before she had to go work. i have to say that i'm really glad i'm getting to know this woman again...
then liad called me to ask if i was interested in going out. and since i had slept for a billion years the night before, i knew i needed to channel my energy in some direction. we went to the bloom. as usual, the one guy whom i thought was decent looking enough to even consider, hit on her. heh. i guess that being my age puts people off =P or at least the guys i tend to think are cute (and those it doesn't put off - i am totally not interested in... the way of the world, i guess). ahh well... i think i'm used to it.
in any case, i made my way home at a decent hour to try and get some sleep. but since i am more or less awake, i don't know how that's going to work out. for the first time in my life i decided to try and go to sleep with my music on. i've never been able to do that... but since i'm in the strangest of moods, i figured i'd try. worse comes to worse i'll kill it later.
went to see liad's new apartment last night. finally. her room(s) is still kind of empty, but it's cool and she loves it =) then we headed to the alternative, which was actually ok. the highlight of the evening, though, was when an 18-year-old hit on me. i was laughing the whole time he tried guessing how old i was, and then when i actually had to tell him he went on to ask 'but do i have a chance?' LOL.
i didn't stay very late since i have a date this morning with a long-time friend whom i haven't seen in years!
speaking of which, i think it's time to head out again =)
...when you constantly go out of your way for someone that you care about because you enjoy doing it, it's not something you give much thought to. meaning, the effort doesn't usually seem like effort because you like helping this person out and just being there for them. but when you turn around and ask for a small favor, which is completely tiny and inconsequential, and are confronted with heasitation and judgement (due to the lack of 'logic' that this favor supposedly consists of) - it makes you rethink whether or not you even want to be in a relationship with this person.
this happened to me today. i continuously go out of my way for one of my friends. he is important to me and i hate to see him upset. but no act of giving is completely selfless... this is the reason any communication between people is called a relationship. there is supposed to be give and take. and not to say that he's never done anything in return. quite the contrary, actually. however, the way things were handled this morning just made me go 'blah.'
yea, so there's that whole car thing. i am currently reconsidering. aside from the fact that owning one in a city like tel-aviv is a pain in the ass, i think i would like to at least start paying off my school loans before getting into more debt =D
so that idea is on hold for a while.
other than that, i am in desperate need to go shopping. no, i don't need clothing or shoes. but i'm a girl and i sometimes need to shop for no good reason at all. most of the stuff i want can't really be purchased here. it's a good thing i know my sizes and i can buy a lot of it online. however, this requires an international credit card (up till now all i had was a local one), which i will only have next week. so for right now i am limited to stuff i can get here.
in other news, still haven't fixed my dead tire. i think i'll be taking care of that on thursday.
for the first time at the age of 31, i feel that i actually need one. not that tel-aviv is any different from NYC in regards to transportation and accessibility, but lately i have been wanting to leave the city on occasion. not having a car is making this a little difficult.
it was a good and productive weekend. as i mentioned in my previous entry, i have a friend who needs emotional support at the moment... so my weekend was dedicated to trying to provide this support. it turned out to be lots of fun!
thursday after work - i made sure that said friend met up with someone i respect a great deal to get new perspective on things. i really wanted the crappy mood to dissipate into something more cheerful and light...
thursday night - a bunch of friends met up at the bloom bar for drinks. we sat there for a rather long time before switching over to the cheers. i will say it was a good night since we all finally left at around 5:30am with an 'ok i'm really tired' smile on our faces. walking home, daniel had hickups the whole way there. it was amusing.
friday - had all kinds of plans to get up and go out for lunch or at least some friday afternoon wandering. that didn't really happen. instead, i stayed home, ordered in and watched TV. later in the evening i had dinner with chen. i love hanging out with him... now that it's been seven years since our 'history' ended and (it appears that) there are no hard feelings left.
saturday - woke up only to fall asleep again within about an hour. when i managed to get my ass up again, i took my bike out for what has become the weekly saturday ride. it was pretty fucking awesome until i killed my front tire. i ended up walking home from ramat-gan. the weather was perfect, so the walk was really nice. later, i joined a couple of friends of mine for food. steaks to be exact =D that was followed but another visit to the cheers.
in addition to the activities, there was a lot of conversation... about any and all topics. related to said issues as well as some revealing confessions coming from all participating parties. through out the weekend, my focus was really on my friend. whether we were in the same place or not. it's really important to me that this rough-spot gets worked through and the feelings on the other end of it are easier and happier. as far as i know the weekend activities did help. at least a little. i care about this person more than i can explain and i will do anything in my power to help...
one of my friends, whom i care about a great deal, is going through a rough spot. i am doing my absolute best to try and be there 100%. it's hard watching someone you care about be sad all (or most) of the time. i honestly wish there was more i could do...
i totally keep on forgetting just how much i love nick cave! i don't know why i don't think to listen to him without being force-fed. i even ripped all of his cds to put on my ipod...
i was up till 5:30am talking to daniel. i'm glad he's my roommate. i like having someone i like so much living in the next room. it makes hanging out a whole lot easier. but now i'm tired and i wanna sleep.
in other news, i got my diploma today. martha had sent it to me =D
sometimes it's hard to let go of certain things or even just certain aspects of things. even when you logically know that the correct decision is to move on and let go. when one dwells in something for long enough (or at least when i do) - that something becomes more and more of a chore as it is a continuous concern. it usually becomes more trouble than it's worth. and even though it might be difficult to let go, it's actually easier to walk away and not look back. if only because not looking back takes a lot less energy than it would to to keep on sticking to that thing that frustrates you oh-so-much.
with that said, it's time for me to move on. i will keep the parts that are good and 'healthy,' and remove myself from the distructive side of things. it's hard. but there really is no other choice.
on the 16th floor of this office building, there is an amazing view. i can see almost the entire city of tel-aviv and the beach. it's as clear as crystal. the weather is so absolutely gorgeous, that i can't stand the thought of being indoors. i love this city. and i love this country. i love that on saturday i took my bike out and rode though one of the cutest neighborhoods in TA and then to the boardwalk to watch the sunset. it's november, and the weather is (and will continue to be) perfect; almost every day.
i miss my new york friends terribly, but there really is nothing that will convince me to go back there for more than a short visit. i do wish they'd all come for a visit here...
yesterday my entire company was taken out for a day of fun and activities. i'm not sure if any american companies do this, since none of the ones i ever worked at did - but they should. taking your employees out for a day of fun and just hanging out with one another does a great deal of good for the morale of the company.
anyway, the day consisted of a little bit of hiking, rappelling, horseback riding, tomcars and a huge meal that was enough to kick even the biggest eater's ass. i cannot express just how much this day ruled. i wish i could repeat it on a regular basis. in parts at a time or all at once.
upon my return, i managed to get undressed and fall into bed. that's all. i was dead. heh. eleven hours of sleep later, i was as good as new =D
today is daniel's birthday and i will be taking him out to his (our) favorite sushi place to celebrate. the boy is 27 years old! =)
after said celebrations, i believe i will be heading over to the cheers with shani. it's time for some weekend madness (i'm lying, i have become a total bore =P)!
yes, i'm still here. i've just been really busy at work and then really busy doing nothing (watching tv, to be exact) at home. this is more or less how my last few days looked:
on wednesday, as mentioned, i had a fucking crazy hang over. the kind i usually only get from too much sangria. heh. i ended up leaving work a tad early to go sleep the rest of it off (at 6pm!!). then on thursday i had a stomach ache from hell. i couldn't decide if it had anything to do with the hang over from the day before, my period, lack of food or too much food. it actually felt like someone was stabbing me in the stomach. fun. i lasted at work till about 4pm, when i finally managed to get the salaries taken care of at the last minute, and then ditched early, again. i then proceeded to sleep for a few hours and actually felt better after i ate something. i wasn't feeling 100% but it was enough to let shani drag me out of the house for a couple of hours. her new favorite place is the cheers, so that's where i went. good times were had indeed (i even met someone who i almost immediately decided was not for me... even though he was a sweetheart (why the hell am i so friggin picky??)) and i headed home at a relatively decent hour. i got up early on friday to go take care of some errands, and then i spent the next day and a half at home, in bed doing absolutely nothing. it was a lot of fun =D by sunday i was feeling all better. no more hang overs or stomach aches, but work has been hectic for the last couple of days: getting used to some of the excess workload i have taken on and just the general everyday things i have to take care of. it never ends. which is fine, since i like keeping busy =)
in other news, the weather here is so incredible. it's constantly overcast and rains every once in a while. some people wear winter coats while others are still in short sleeves. all i've had to wear has been a light jacket or a hoody. this morning i even walked to work, which is something i only do in the evenings. that is to say - walk home from work.
other than that, if i manage to take a nap when i get home in a bit, i think i will head out with shani again. it really all depends on how i feel after said nap has been had.
nothing like having a hang over from hell while you're at work.
it's been a while since i've gone out drinking and apparently i should have taken it easy. not to mention that i am coming to the conclusion that although red wines don't really give me hang overs, white ones do. odd.