why do all the browsers have to imitate each-other?...
i was perfectly happy with firefox the way it was. now it looks like safari. which i never liked.
foo.
also, why am i repeatedly forced to switch to the "new" facebook? it fucking sucks! really. i MUCH prefer the old one.. and yet, every now and then, when i open facebook - some admin decides that i need to "try" the new one. fuckers.
christ! i got about 98276598871659872045 moquito bites at yesterday's pool party.
i've already purchased something that's supposed to help. but it was bought at a local small-time pharmacy and it was the only thing they had. it doesn't do much good.
i will purchase something more effective on my way home, soon.
why not just let it go? why make it uglier than it already is? why slip and slide around in the filth and mud when the best option is to get up, wash it off and start from scratch?
all i want to do is move on. get past everything. start fresh. but it appears that the other party, although i've had zero communication with him, wants to continue messing around in the pigpen.
last night i actually got my ass over to the bar ola works at, over on ibn gvirol. i think i haven't been there for as long as i was in the relationship. heh. i went over there with aybe, and we hung out there for quite a bit longer than we thought we would.
we talked about random stuff, like the fact that i would really like to have something new to do. the idea of learning how to cook (!!!) or paint/draw was discussed. both ideas seem extremely foreign to me. i'd much rather travel. but i suppose i'm too limited with time and money to take that up as a hobby ;)
then we headed back and got food.
i think i managed about seven hours of sleep. however, gray was in a playful mood all night and kept on jumping up on the bed, wanting some attention. so my sleep was fuzzy =P
this evening, i have a night out planned with mary. tomorrow, with moran (and liad's farewell party). wednesday i am supposed to see my parents and then go chill with raffi and shirley. and thursday is still up for grabs. though i currently don't see anything interesting enough for me to bother with. perhaps i'll visit the cheers.
yes.. constant distractions. this is what i need. to put a band-aid where it hurts until it doesn't hurt anymore. isn't that what we all learned as children?
Posted by
Dina on 08.11.08 @ 10:19 AM EEST :: [link]
Sunday, August 10th
ups and downs
music: nothing mood: not sure
sometimes i find that i'm doing really great. and others, not so much.
i'm human like everyone else and i make mistakes. even ones that i know i shouldn't be making. those, too, will be forgotten when the rest of my emotional roller coaster comes to its final stop.
Posted by
Dina on 08.10.08 @ 12:58 PM EEST :: [link]
Friday, August 8th
baby steps
music: tv crap mood: i need a nap
i finally have AC back in the apartment. i can't believe i lived through a whole week without it.
now there are things that need to be fixed and reorganized re the AC.
it's pipes don't go through the wall, but rather through the window it sits above.. so i have to buy some insulation for the slat that's missing. and probably something to put on the window sill so that i don't have to look at the piping. plus, the super has to fix a nice dent he made in the wall while putting it up. so next week sometime, he should come to do that and fix the door as well.
slowly, everything is calming down and falling into place.
there is still a huge hole in my heart. but there is nothing anyone can do about that. only time will fix things.
but i can breathe again, and exist without being sticky. heh.
Posted by
Dina on 08.08.08 @ 09:46 PM EEST :: [link]
another good one
music: neuroticfish - black again mood: not bad at all
not too much tonight (this morning?)
it's just good to know that i have some wonderful, supportive friends. friends who have my back and even want to take revenge or a stand for me. friends who are essentially stronger than i can be in this situation.
i love you all. really.
i had a lot of fun tonight. again.
thank you =)
Posted by
Dina on 08.08.08 @ 05:28 AM EEST :: [link]
Thursday, August 7th
reorganizing
music: absurd minds - the focus mood: alright
after i got home yesterday i started reorganizing the living room, which also has my work station in it. there were a few empty places left to hang things, where golan's stuff had previously been.. i put up a new bulletin board and dug out an envelope that contained all of the things that were on my board when i packed up and left NYC. i pulled out things that i felt i still wanted to look at and left irrelevant things behind. i also managed to move a couple of my small framed nightmare pictures around so that they fill up the space nicely. in their place, i put up two living dead dolls (i have the small ones - a doctor and a nurse =D). i still have a few more dolls that i don't know what to do with. but i suppose space isn't the issue here. heh. i also found a clay mask that my friend alison bought for me in NOLA a while back.
so my apartment feels a lot like "me" again. though it has a considerably smaller amount of clutter than i used to have, living in new york. this space is a major improvement on the previous one, too. living alone or not. as it turns out (you know, looking back), that my previous apartment was a bit small for me. lol.
live and learn, right?
in other news, my boss rocks and gave me today off. and i just had the new AC delivered. i hope the super will install it tomorrow so i don't have to go through another weekend without it. though i have to admit that the last couple of days haven't really been too bad.
other things for this weekend include hanging out with liad a little later and probably heading to the beach. and later tonight, going to the meimad. then tomorrow, said AC should be installed and the night brings with it a club event dedicated to tool and NIN. other than that, who knows?
meow.
Posted by
Dina on 08.07.08 @ 11:49 AM EEST :: [link]
it's been a while...
music: tanzwut - meer (omg, i'm actually listening to music) mood: pretty good!
tonight was fun, too. went to the cheers with mariana and was later joined by rona.
wednesdays are "heavy night" @ the cheers... which simply means heavy metal etc. dan actually played music i liked and the conversation was good.
i can't stress enough how much i now realize that i actually missed my social life. i didn't notice it before.. but i do now. and it's nice to be out and about instead of stuck at home like a blob in front of the tv (which i enjoy too.. but i guess everything has it's limits).
and i had the pleasure of coming home to the cutest cat in the world (yes, i know i'm going to end up being the neighborhood cat-lady.. and at this point i'm actualy ok with that =P) and music that i'm actually in the mood to listen to.
yay!
tomorrow i have a day off.
my boss is the most considerate person i could have ever possibly been lucky enough to work for.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
good nitght =)
Posted by
Dina on 08.07.08 @ 01:58 AM EEST :: [link]
Wednesday, August 6th
heh
music: nothing mood: hungry
i find it amusing that sometimes my mom misinterprets my posts.
mom - i'm not drinking to drown my sorrows. lol. i was simply stating that i am now once again free to go out drinking with my friends without having someone at home to judge and criticize me for doing it. that's all.
i had fun last night. and i didn't feel guilty about it, either.
=)
Posted by
Dina on 08.06.08 @ 01:25 PM EEST :: [link]
..aaaaaand in other news
music: nothing mood: drunk
i have a new fridge, a new (framed) darth vadar poster, a new social life... and a bunch of other things i don't remember cuz i've had a little much to drink.
oh yea... i love my cat. cuz he's the fucking cutest thing EVAR. and i have a new freedom to drink without someone waiting at home to criticize me. yes.
i'm glad my drunken frame of mind leads me to happy thoughts and not to the morbid crap i could be pulled into.
and i'm glad i can spell whilst drunk =D
..perhaps i'm actually happier than i was for nine months. and perhaps my subconscious is trying to tell me just that.
who knows.
i'm drunk.
..but i'm not sad.
this is good.
... ahh... KARMA. yes, karma takes its toll on everything and everyone.
Posted by
Dina on 08.06.08 @ 02:31 AM EEST :: [link]
Tuesday, August 5th
speachless
music: on hold mood: still not sure how to take it
i will not go into the details of the last couple of days. all i have to say is that i have zero idea how someone who is seemingly such a gentle soul can turn out to be a complete monster.
i've been told by many of my friends that the issue was that i allowed the relationship to be one that i carry on my back. alone. and that i was dating a child. who, in turn, thought he was dating his mother... who would forgive him for every little horrible thing he could come up with.
if i ever needed ruther convincing that i don't want children, this is it. i've seen how he treats his parents when he wants to, and i believe that i got some of the same treatment. only worse.
never again.
ever.
Posted by
Dina on 08.05.08 @ 05:46 PM EEST :: [link]
Sunday, August 3rd
blind, you say?
music: nothing mood: discovering new things to be shocked about
wow.
i can't believe he has stooped to the level of public name-calling.
and after all of the times he blamed me for being childish.
there are so many things that i have discovered about him in the last week that have opened my eyes the way i never imagined was possible. the 22 year old in him; the inexperienced child, has come out of its hiding. i mean, now that he doesn't have me to take care of him anymore. maybe he's hurt and scared. but damn. public name calling??! wow.
not to mention throwing all of the blame on me. calling me crazy, childish, blind, a bitch... granted, i've had my share of name-calling and other unpleasantness as well. but it was done behind closed doors. and i didn't go repeat it to anyone afterwards. it seems that he is constantly looking for validation of what he does. every time we had a disagreement or an argument, his solution was to shut off and tell me to "go ask anyone you want, they'll tell you i'm right and you're crazy."
i thought i loved him. i thought i was in love with him. but really, all i was in love with was the illusion of someone who showered me with affection for the time i was serving the purpose of caregiver.
yea. i was blind. so completely blind. i don't even know how to cope with this situation, cuz even the asshole who cheated on me for two years, didn't really put me into a state of shock. him, i expected it from... but not this time.
i hope he stops with his public defamation campaign. i hope he either gets bored with it or someone tells him how insane it is. cuz there is no comeback for that. i will not do the same.
i guess it's time to go find me again.
Posted by
Dina on 08.03.08 @ 09:34 AM EEST :: [link]
Saturday, August 2nd
when it rains...
music: nothing mood: ehh
so...
- my heart is broken into a billion pieces and i don't see when or how it's ever going to get better - this is the second weekend in a row during which i've been sick (note that i don't appear to be sick during the week) - said illness has lead my body to be on several levels of pain - my internet connection sucks and bezek can't figure out why - my AC was destroyed by the super and i am now without until sometime next week
